0 to 3 children: March 2012

Is it okay to hug your child immediately after disciplining?

22 November 2010

After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up. I don't feel good about that because I need to show her my displeasure at what she's done. That's why I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?

I think it is very important after punishment to embrace the child in love.That is the time to assure her that it was the misbehaviour that brought your disapproval, rather than your dislike for her personally. It is also the best time to talk about why she got in trouble and how she can avoid your displeasure in the future. It is the “teachable moment”, when the object of your discipline can be explained.

Such a conversation is difficult or impossible to achieve when a rebellious, stiff-necked little child is clenching her fist and taking you on. But after a confrontation has occurred - especially if it involved tears - the child usually wants to hug you and get reassurance that you really care for her.Many parents, like you, say they feel awkward showing affection after punishment because they've been upset with the child. I think that is wrong.

It's best to open your arms and let that youngster come.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.

Recent School Holiday Activities

Do parents feel guilty if you do not make plan to spend sometimes with the children when they are on school holiday.

When we were kids and stayed in Kampung, we only stayed at home helping our parents with their house chores or laid around do nothing or ran around in the kampung/bushes with our neighbours' kids. Of course, I must acknowledged that we are leaving in a totally different generation now. Parents do all sort of things now day for their children such as taking them to the theme park, balik kampung, travelling or doing some Eco friendly activities like going to the park, having a little picnic and do a bit of cycling or jogging or walking around.

Some children are so used to travelling on each school holiday with their parents. I once heard a very sad story about neighbour's kid asking his mum that he would like to go to Australia as all his friends in school are going to all over the world for holiday and unfortunately, his parents can't afford to do that. Does this sound sad, do we spoilt our kids too much.

I always believe our kids should lead a moderate life and learn to appreciate things more. Educating them from young age is essential. We teach our kids to do some small chores themselves instead of rely on the maids like bring their dishes to the kitchen once they finished, always say ' please' or 'thank you' and bring their worn clothes to the laundry basket, do not waste any food or do not take excessive food if they can't finish them and etc. I have seen some really spoilt kids and I hope not to bring my children in that manner.

Anyway, some how rather, the guilty feeling got to me and I took last Wednesday off to take them to the zoo. I was glad to see their smiling faces and the excitement when they talked to their father about the trip and the adventure.