Is it okay to hug your child immediately after disciplining?

22 November 2010

After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up. I don't feel good about that because I need to show her my displeasure at what she's done. That's why I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?

I think it is very important after punishment to embrace the child in love.That is the time to assure her that it was the misbehaviour that brought your disapproval, rather than your dislike for her personally. It is also the best time to talk about why she got in trouble and how she can avoid your displeasure in the future. It is the “teachable moment”, when the object of your discipline can be explained. 

Such a conversation is difficult or impossible to achieve when a rebellious, stiff-necked little child is clenching her fist and taking you on. But after a confrontation has occurred - especially if it involved tears - the child usually wants to hug you and get reassurance that you really care for her.Many parents, like you, say they feel awkward showing affection after punishment because they've been upset with the child. I think that is wrong. 

It's best to open your arms and let that youngster come.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.

Helping Your Child Get Over Thumb-Sucking

This is the article published in the Parenthood-Nov 2011 issue of magazine. According to the magazine, thumb-sucking is a completely natural act of self-soothing that many babies begin when they are still in the womb. But while an infant sucking his thumb may look sweet and innocent, a five-year old son sucking his thumb may become the object of pity or ridicule.

Most doctors agree that thumb-sucking is relatively harmless in the early years of childhood. In fact, if you make too big of a deal of it before age four and try to get your child to stop, your efforts may backfire and cause him or her to want to do it even more. Most children eventually stop this habit on their own. However, if the thumb-sucking continues past age four or five, a child runs the risk of developing dental or speech problems.

I do not have problem with my boys, they do not have thumb-sucking habit and gave up their pacifier at the age of 3 months. My daughter never get into the habit of sucking on a pacifier but the problem is, she is the thumb-sucking child! She sucks her thumb when she is hungry, sleepy or bedtime. This is what they call sucking for comfort.

Way to help them to stop thumb-sucking as suggested:-

1. give them something to do with their hands

2. find way to soothe themselves when they are nervous or sleepy

3.Teach them to rub her fingers together with her thumb in a rhythmic, circular motion; or rub her temple or cheek with her forefinger

4. wrap her thumb in bandage or piece of gauze

5. apply special non-toxic thumb coating or a bitter-tasting substance like vinegar

The magazine also suggested that we should not humiliate the child but give plenty of praise or set up reward system when the child do without any thumb-sucking for a day.

I have personally tried method 1,2,4 and 5. None of them really work on her. There are other cruel suggestion like apply chilly on the thumb. I won't tried that, we, ourselves, sometimes struggle too, eating that red hot chilly, can't do that to a child. However, I have tried the 'minyak angin'. At first, she smelled and stop sucking on it but the next minute, she continued to suck like it was so tasty. So, nothing work for me so far. 

So, have you try any other method and has effectively stop your child from thumb-sucking. You are welcome to share.

I heard from some of the grown ups who have previously got into this habit, some said they actually still doing it quietly and secretly and some only managed to get rid of the habit in their 20's!! Gosh, I hope this would not happen to my girl.

What are we teaching our kids ?

This is a funny, taken from a series of chain-forwarding email which I received from one of my friend:-

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home after midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn't be surprised when kids misbehave, they get it from storybooks.

When Children Should Start Swimming Lesson

I am leaving in a condominium with a big pool and a children's pool. Children's safety is my concern. Children's activities are always revolving around the pool.

There are a few of swimming instructors teaching the children to swim at our condo. I have checked with them and they told me children should only start to learn swimming at the age of 4 when they are able to receive instruction and also to prevent their ears and lung infection.

I read the view of SK Lee of Life Saving Society, Perak from the Star paper, he/she suggested that children should start swimming lessons at age of four.

The following is the abstract of SK Lee's view:-

Contrary to popular belief, an early childhood swimming programme has no technical advantage to children under two years of age as their neuro muscular coordination and physical structure are still not fully developed.

Bad habits instead will develop as the child will use unrelated power generated elsewhere to aid under strength parts of the anatomy for propulsion.

Unknown to many, phobia of water develops as a child struggles each time during training. Choking, swallowing water and gasping for air is a horrifying experience.

Similarly, a child will eventually develop phobia at bathing time if one is not careful. Never let water run over his nose and mouth continuously. A child cannot breath under such a situation as the child may have yet to learn how to breath through his mouth. 

It is true that there are a few exceptional cases where a child can go under water or even turn and float on his back. Even after a child has learnt to dog paddle or float on his back, being accidentally thrown into open water will not guarantee his survival.

Open water conditions are entirely different from indoor still water. Having the notion that a child can swim and survive will only create a false sense of security, resulting in negligence like leaving a child alone in the water. Accidents can happen.

In a neighbouring country, the early childhood swimming programme is more of a recreation or therapy session. The element of play makes up 80% of the course and the programme is not done in a swimming pool, where chlorinated water swallowed may get into the lungs which can trigger off excessive fluid, resulting in a condition called secondary drowning.

A collar float is used to keep the head above water, leaving the hands and legs free for movement. Floating toys are added to stimulate movement.

To conclude, there is no distinct advantage for a child under two years old to start a swimming programme. It is better to let your child enjoy his bath under your watchful eyes at home, with plenty of floaties around him to develop a liking for water-he will associate water with fun.

The best age to begin an early childhood swimming programme is still 4 years and above.

Jack, who is 3 now has asked me about 2 months ago that he wanted to learn swimming as he wanted to swim like the big boys without the arm bands. He was very determine in his decision. Last Saturday, he finally managed to start his first 'trial' lesson. The instructor has agreed to take him in.